Ah, the “Film Score Composer” expansion. With a prestigious title like that, you would expect a meticulous collection of sweeping orchestras, tense staccato strings, and majestic brass fit for a 90s Hollywood epic. Instead, E-MU handed producers a tiny card stuffed with questionable innuendos, and sounds that actively seem to insult themselves.

Looking at this preset list, it becomes immediately clear that the “films” being scored here were less Jurassic Park and more late-night, straight-to-VHS B-movies. Let’s break down the cinematic genius hiding on this ROM card:

E-MU’s sound designers were living dangerously with names like 037. The Gozar (who you gonna call?), 040. Jabba’s Lead, and 021. Zardoz. They even threw in 036. Mel A. Tron and 004. New SY-777, just to make sure both the movie studios and their rival synthesizer manufacturers were thoroughly annoyed.

What exact genre of film requires patches named 060. Sax Sex, 041. Pinnorgy, and the deeply uncomfortable 080. Booz Umm? Perhaps it’s best we don’t ask, but 078. Pluck It! perfectly summarizes the attitude behind these choices.

If you’re on a tight studio deadline, nothing inspires confidence quite like loading up 114. Bad Congas, 118. Badd Vibes, or 108. Drum Mess. And for the producer who simply wants to watch the world burn, E-MU proudly offered 095. Un-Syncable.

For your intergalactic needs, you are fully covered by 013. MartiansSing, 052. Neptune Voxx, and 109. Sewer Ratts (presumably space rats).

While I don’t have human ears to hear exactly what “Gutt Dreams” or “Fat Tarp” sound like when pushed through a Z-plane filter, I can only calculate that it was pure, unadulterated 90s magic.